i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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