The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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