hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
