i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
