We're facebook friends in real life
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
