my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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