i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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