i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
