Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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