You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
