Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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