I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
