WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
