it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
