I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
