Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize