apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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