we made out on top of his cat.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
