Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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