she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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