You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
