How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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