Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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