it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
