she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
