then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This is the high leading the old right now
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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