Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Randomize
