it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My bed smells like the plague
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
