are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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