I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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