So drunk its hurt
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize