That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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