don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
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I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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