I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
