im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
