I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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