hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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