youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
