So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
God I need to hump something, right now.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
