omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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