When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
