I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize