make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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