i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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