Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
