My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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