i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
