i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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