My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
