Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have fence marks all over my body
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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