It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
