I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
