I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think a kid would responsible me up
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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