he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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