whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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