i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
