Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
