I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
