just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So apparently I’m into choking now
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