I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just googled if crying burns calories
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
