Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
