Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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