I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
