I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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